Less Leather
by CaptianSwanRumbelleLover
Summary: <html><head></head>Ruby has a few surprises for poor old Hook (NO ROMANCE x Captain Swan all the way! just thought this was funny) please review x</html>
1. Chapter 1

After the rather cold events of yesterday, Hook was glad to get back to his room at Granny's. But he had taken some convincing from Charming and Snow that Emma would be perfectly fine until the morning. Charming said he would not have minded him staying the night to keep an eye on her but he recommended he got home and got some sleep. Hook was struggling to argue because truth be told, he was exhausted. He just managed to get up the stairs into hid room and remove his leather before collapsing into bed and sleeping till morning

After what seemed like an eternity of rest, he heard a knock on his door, but was unable to respond verbally as within a second, the door flew open and Ruby walked in with her arms crossed. Hooks vision was still blurred with sleep but he could make out the long black hair and the statement red in her attire. He finally let out a sleepy groan.

"Lass, if you'd have done this two years ago, very different things would be happening right now" He managed to slur out before earning a scoff from the lady wolf.

"Don't flatter yourself Hook" She said with disgust while the Pirate just smirked. She stepped a little closer to the bed and noticed he was falling back asleep again so she decided on a different wakeup call. She walked into the Bathroom and soaked a flannel in cold water. By the time she got back, Hook had zoned out completely. She balled up the Flannel practiced her shot a few times and flung it straight in the pirates face. Hook jumped a foot in the air as he spluttered and flailed his arms around in the air.

"What the bloody hell ... am I bloody drowning ... What... Wha..." Ruby began to snort as Hook spluttered beneath the flannel and finally his hand went to his face and grasped the wet cloth. He gave a disgusted noise and threw it at the wall as if it were a slimy sea creature. Ruby was holding her stomach and almost on the floor she was laughing so hard. Hook rubbed his face violently before peeping out from over his hand and aiming a death stare to ruby.

"Well the best way to wake a pirate up is with water isn't it" She sad through hysterics. Hook merely raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

"And what pray tell, prompts such a rude and terrifying awakening?" he said trying to regain he composure which was proving difficult.

"I set your alarm clock for 9 and it is 10:30!" Ruby said but Hook just looked clueless

"You set my what?" He said completely baffled. He had no idea what an alarm clock was. His goals while being in this world were mainly revenge and rescue based. He hadn't really had much time to get to know this world. Ruby rolled her eyes at his naivety.

"Your alarm clo..." but as she motioned to the bedside table where the digital clock sat, she noticed it was gone.

"Your clock was right there" She said with concern. Hook followed her gaze and the penny dropped.

"Oh you mean the enchanted box with the magic numbers?" He asked with a certainty. Ruby stifled a laugh and bit her lip to avoid any sound Escaping.

"Yes Hook the box with the numbers, where is it" She asked getting a little impatient now. Hook looked at her for a moment and pointed to the corner of the floor where a pile of broken alarm clock bits lay in a heap. Ruby stared at the broken clock and brought the palm of her hand up to her forehead. God, this man could give anyone a headache.

"Hook, why is the alarm clock broken on the floor" She said with a strained effort as if she were a mother looking after a toddler who had just spilt their dinner all over the floor. Hook's eyes shifted around the room before finally looking back at ruby and shrugging.

"It kept beeping and it wouldn't stop" Hook moaned like a child. Ruby threw her head back and groaned.

"That's what it is supposed to do, genius! They are used to get you up in the morning" Ruby ran both her hands down her face in despair.

"Good, now we have established what the beeping thing is used for, Good night" Hook huffed as he rolled over and tried to get back to sleep but Ruby strutted over and yanked the covers off of him. Leaving him in his pyjama trousers. This time he sat bolt upright.

"Bloody hell, Woman! What is it now?!" Hook Barked but Ruby stood her ground.

"There is a reason I wanted you up early, Hook" Ruby said

"And what is that" Hook said with mock enthusiasm wearing his favourite smirk.

"We are going shopping" Ruby stated simply. Hooks face fell.

"Lass, you getting me to go shopping is just about as likely as you getting me in a dress and waltzing with the dark one" Hook growled but Ruby wasn't going to give in.

"That wasn't a question Hook, we are going shopping for some new clothes for you" She said while beaming at him because she knew it annoyed him. Killian just barked a laugh.

"Lass, I have worn that leather for 300 years and it has never let me down. The day you get me out of it is the day you dress me for my funeral. Actually you can leave it on even then" Hook began to raise his voice in a tantrum which Ruby continued to smile at.

"Ok Hook, but how are you going to get around the town without the leather" she said with a smirk. Hook glanced to the chair where is leather stayed when he was not wearing it. It was gone. His trousers, vest and coat were all missing. All that was left what his boots. He stared at ruby as if to kill.

"Where are my clothes, Little Wolf" Hook spoke through gritted teeth. Ruby shrugged.

"Somewhere where you will never find them unless you come shopping" She said with equal menace but with a smile on her face. Hook knew he couldn't very well walk around town with nothing but boots and a hook brace, so after another stroppy groan...

"Fine! I will come bloody shopping. Gods woman you are Satan itself" Hook frowned and Ruby's' smile grew bigger. She strutted out the door in victory and in from the corridor, flew in Hooks' leather pieces one by one. Hook felt his blood boil as He heard Ruby from half way down the corridor...

"Be ready in ten minutes" She hollered in a sing song way. Hook growled and got out of bead to face what would be a truly torturous day.

_**(More to come. Hook in a shopping centre and the families' reaction)**_

_**Reviews make me happy**_

_**xxx**_


	2. Chapter 2

Within 10 minutes of being in this infernal palace, Hook decided he would sooner be back in Neverland. This place was Hell! It was nothing but glaring white lights and far too much chatter from endless swarms of people bumping into each other and fighting over insignificant garments. The noises of talking and complaining were unbearable. Hook couldn't see how people could actually enjoy being in these 'Shopping centres' all day. He wanted nothing more than to make a run for the doors but sadly, Ruby had him by the hook. Literally! She was leading him around like a mother dragging a fed up little boy to stop him running off.

They sped past endless shops which all looked the same, Clothes and more clothes. However, Hook suddenly planted his feet on the ground as he found a shop that reminded him of his old life. Ruby turned round to see him staring and smirking at the display in the window.

"Don't even think about it, Hook. We are not in the enchanted forest anymore! Women no longer dress like this in public" Ruby threatened as Hooks eyes began to wander around the shop strangely named "'Anne summers' Hook began to snigger like a teenager and turned to Ruby.

"Oh do relax lass. Nothing like this could distract me anymore" He said with an honest tone in his voice that Ruby hadn't heard too much. She knew he was telling the truth but it didn't stop him being a pig...

"However..." He began to drawl out... "I did see something very much like this one centuries ago..." Hook pointed at a red and black corset on a body model.

"No _no no_! I am not listening to this! I do not need to hear about what you got up to in some _tavern_" Ruby raised her voice and instantly brought her hands up to her ears to block out what ever Hook was going to say. She was him raise his hand and hook in defeat and was pretty sure he would shut up. However Hook thought she deserved something for getting him up so abruptly...

"It was actually a brothel..." He blurted out at top speed and Ruby span round and struck him over the head with the palm of her hand and grabbed his Hook again and continued to tow him round the centre.

...

They finally reached a shop selling only men's clothes. Ruby dragged him in and plonked him down on a chair...

"Now stay here while I go and find something for you to try on" She said and he nodded in obedience. She marched off in search for something that would suit Hook. But she knew that it wouldn't be difficult. He was good looking with a good Physique so she had a lot of choice. She picked up a few cotton shirts in black, navy blue and crimson, a pair of navy jeans and black jeans and because she knew he loved leather, she found a leather waistcoat, a leather pair of trousers and short leather jacket. She then found a few pairs of black leather shoes as she couldn't really see him in trainers. She thought these would do for now and began her way back to Hook who she hoped, for his own sake, that he would still be there when she got back.

By the time she got back to where she left Hook, she was happy to see him still sat there; however she was a little less happy about the attention he was getting. Three girls, no older than eighteen were huddling in a corner glancing at him and giggling in unison. She glanced at Hook who was smirking to himself. He knew what they were up to but he hadn't made a move himself. Ruby couldn't help but be impressed by this. The tallest girl broke away from her friends and began to strut over to Hook who was still sat in the chair.

"You know, I never thought Captain Hook could be soooooooo hot" the girl spoke in the best seductive manner that she could while twirling a piece of hair round her finger. Ruby was just about to intervene, but Hook beat her to it. She stood up to face the girl properly...

"Lass, you are truly stunning, but I am spoken for and I would not jeopardise what I have with her for anything. Now if I were you, I would go and find someone your own age to flirt with" Hook spoke to the girl with no sense of malice or sarcasm and she didn't seem to respond to that until she saw a rather pissed off looking Ruby. The girl then smiled at him and proceeded back to her friends who continued to giggle. Ruby stepped over to Hook and eye the teenagers who then quickly dispersed but they quickly offered winks and 'call me' signals before they ran squeaking out of the shop. Ruby glanced at Hook and raised an eyebrow.

"Enjoy the female attention, did you" She said with a smile. Hook smiled back at her and eyed her with seriousness.

"I meant every word I said to her and even as a blood thirsty Pirate, I never sought out women that young" Hooks smile was gone now and Ruby smiled again and patted his shoulder. She did not know him back then but she knew the man from then and the man from now were two completely different men.

Even though Hook didn't mind attention from women, he was still eager to get out of this bloody place...

"So what manner of clothing did you find?" He spoke with as much eagerness as he could manage. He figured if he showed an interest, this would be over quicker and he could get out of this infernal place.

Ruby plonked the pile of clothes and shoes down on the chair Hook was sitting on and withdrew the leather trousers, the navy blue shirt and the leather waistcoat from the load. She had an idea of she gave him leather first that he would accept the clothing of this world better. She grabbed his arm and brought it out straight and draped the clothes over it. He hadn't complained yet which must mean he was willing to give the new leather a go. That was a good sign.

"Go and try these on in the changing rooms over there" She pointed to the small cubicles just about 10 feet behind them. Hook obviously wasn't accustomed to public changing rooms because he glanced at them then back at Ruby with a raised eyebrow and scrunched up nose. Ruby rolled her eyes and picked up the remainder of the clothes and draped them over her own arm, leaving both her hands free to push the brat in the pirates' body over to the cubicles. Once there she found an empty room and hung the clothes she was holding on the hooks.

"Just get in there and try them on, please?" She was seriously begging now but she would never show it.

"Lass, this thing are less than a metre in width. How the bloody hell am I going to move around?" Hook moaned and ruby was ready to scratch his eyes out.

"Everyone else makes do with the size now if you don't get in there and try on these god damn clothes, the next full moon, you will lose more than your hand!" Ruby gritted her teeth and stared Hook out. After a second he sighed in defeat and trudged into the cubicle dragging his feet like a child. He shot one last glare at her before violently pulling the curtain across hiding him from view. Ruby smiled to herself in achievement. Maybe this would get a little easier.

"Bloody Hell, I might as well be in a bloody coffin!" came a mutter from behind the curtain.

Obviously not

...

Ruby collapsed in an armchair just outside Hooks room while she waited for him to change. After around 5 minutes, all she could hear was endless complaining.

"How do people change in these bloody things..."

"I've had more room and comfort locked in a rum barrel..."

"The brig in New York was better than this..."

"Another second under these lights and I will go blind..."

"WHY WON'T THIS BLOODY CURTAIN CLOSE PROPERLY!"

The last one was a little louder and the curtain began to move violently as if there was a fight going on behind it. Part of Ruby was getting slightly embarrassed for the both of them but another part was shaking in uncontrollable laughter. She was hunched over in her chair holding her stomach with passersby staring at her and glancing with concerned expressions at the thrashing curtain. Ruby regained her composure and stood up close to the curtain...

"You okay in there buddy?" She said biting her lip trying to contain the laughing. Hook brought the curtain back just enough to peep out from behind it with an expression that could have killed her on the spot.

"Listen lass, it's not enough that I have a bloody hook instead of a hand, but I have several laces to undo, with the demonic blinding lights in my face and no more room than to swing a bloody cat!" Hook growled under his breath and shoved the curtain back across without another word like some sort of diva. Ruby shook her head and sat back down in wait.

After another 5 minutes, Hook pulled the curtain back fully to reveal his new look. Ruby's mouth fell open as she looked at him. He had the blue shirt undone at the first two buttons and had left on his silver chains and rings. The waistcoat was buttoned up and patched the trousers perfectly. The shoes were just his size and he looked at Ruby with concern.

"Well, has this ridiculous outing paid off?" Hook spoke after Ruby had been silent a little too long. She stood up to meet his height and smirked...

"I think this could work" she said which was the understatement of the year. In total truth, Hook looked stunning. He hadn't been out from behind the curtain a minute and he had turned the head of every woman within a mile radius. Ruby picked up the short leather jacket and held it out to him.

"You wouldn't be you without a leather jacket" she joked and finally earned a smile from Hook. He took the jacket from her and slipped it on with ease. She turned him round towards a mirror and even Hook was surprised with what he saw...

"Bloody hell" were his first words with got a laugh from Ruby. But this one was not out of anger or frustration. He looked himself over and nodded.

"I think I can pull this off" he joked straightening the lapels of his waistcoat. Ruby nodded in agreement and went into his cubicle to gather the rest of the clothing up. They both had had enough of shopping and with the way he looked now; he needn't be worried about how the rest of the clothes looked on him. She sorted out the new clothes and placed them on the chair and proceeded to gather the pirate gear up.

"So your not gonna admit that I was right about you looking good in modern clothes?" she quipped and saw Hook instantly smirk.

"Sorry lass, I had a little trouble hearing you" Ruby rolled her eyes.

"Pig"

"Wolf"

They both laughed as Ruby picked up the long coat but suddenly needed the strength of both arms to lift it.

"God, Hook! How much does this weigh?" Hook quickly took it from her and draped it over his arm.

"I don't know the exact weight, Lass. But I reckon around fifty pounds" Ruby was shocked as she loaded up the last of the leather and handed it to him.

"Wow. How did you wear it constantly" She asked in disbelief.

"It began to feel lighter after a hundred years" He said sombrely as a reference to how much time he had spent in this leather. Ruby nodded in understanding as they made their way over to the checkout with both their arms filled with clothes.

...

They reached Ruby's car with several shopping bags. The shop keeper had scanned the labels of what Hook was wearing and was kind enough to bag the pirate clothing up. They loaded everything into the boot and Hook looked at Ruby as grinned.

"You didn't have to do this for me, Ruby. Thank you, Little Wolf" He said and Ruby smiled back.

"Any time, Pirate. Now let's get to Grannies and show everyone the new Hook" Ruby said with enthusiasm. Hooks face fell and Ruby stared in shock. The great and powerful Captain Hook was nervous.

"Don't worry, my friend. You look great" she said honestly as they both got in the car and began the drive back to the diner.

_**Stay tuned to see reactions!**_

_**Please review xxx**_


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